Questions for Engaged Couple for a Successful Marriage

You’re engaged!  And you’re ready to get this relationship solid before sealing the deal!  These questions for engaged couples will get you started in the right direction.  The truth is there are so many questions you truly cannot have the answer to about your fiance until you’ve been married and living together for quite some time.  There are still things my husband says or does that surprise me, and we’ve been happily married for 3 years!  

 So I’m putting together a list of questions for engaged couples that will help you a) get to know each other better, b) troubleshoot any future issues, and c) get communication to be a regular habit in your relationship!  And Bonus: I’m including a list of questions for you to help determine exactly which type of wedding may be perfect for you both as well!  As an elopement photographer, mental health advocate, and relationship coach, I love walking my couples through these questions and seeing what they learn from each other.  These are my (and my couples’) tried and true questions for engaged couples that get them ready for their wedding day and the many years to follow.

 Let’s get started!  These questions for engaged couples work best if you intermingle the fun get to know you questions into the more serious questions.  Trust me.  Your relationship is most set up for success when you’re willing to take a beat and laugh together in the awkward or frustrating times.  Take these questions, ask your partner, and then allow them to ask you.  Getting both of your perspectives is essential to emotional intimacy!

Questions for Engaged Couples on getting to know their past:

• What is your favorite birthday memory?
• What is your most embarrassing story?
• Do you have an embarrassing story from our relationship that I don’t know about? (i.e. when one of you passed gas on your second date but you told your partner you smelled a skunk and they believed you)
• Who was your favorite elementary school teacher and why?
• Did you ever get in any fights growing up?
• What was your schedule like on a regular week day when you got home from school?  What did you like or dislike about it?
• Were you ever made fun of when you were younger?
• What was your favorite childhood tv show?
• How did your family spend their weekends together?

Questions for engaged couples on getting to know their present:

• What’s the most annoying thing that I do right now? (buckle up because it will only get more annoying to one another haha)
• Who do you think is the leader in our relationship?  In what ways?  Does this need to be amended or improved?
• What giftings do you think are most valuable that you’re bringing to our marriage?  Where do you think you can personally improve in our relationship?
• Is there anything you’re nervous about as we get ready to be married?

Questions for engaged couples on family dynamics:

• What responsibilities were your parents/was your parent liable for in your household?  Do you expect our house to reflect that same model?
• What qualities do you have from your parent(s) that you like?  Which do you dislike?
• How were you disciplined as a child?  Is this a pattern you’d like to carry on or no?
• What family traditions do you have?  How are these important to you and why?
• Are you open to creating our own traditions in their place?
• How did you see affection modeled in your family?  And how do you envision affection between us in our home with and without guests?
• What do you think your parents were most of you about growing up?  When and how did they express this?

Questions for engaged couples on household expectations:

• What is the limit of the amount of money we can spend without properly notifying the other person?
• Do you want children?  If so, when would you like to start having children?
• In your opinion, what should be paid first–savings or debt?
• How do you imagine us spending our free time once we’re married?
• What can I do to make sure you’re able to have a healthy balance of social engagement and rest?
• How many weeknights per week should we be strategic about having quality time if any?
• How many times per week would you imagine having sex? What if one of us doesn’t want to?  How should we communicate that?
• What is the distribution of household chores between the two of us?  Do we stick to the same household chores or swap it up?
• Is there any point of our weekly schedule that we will prioritize putting our phones away?

Questions for engaged couples on communication:

• How do you process anger? Sadness?  Frustration?
• In which way would you like me to speak to you if I’m disagreeing with you?
• Have you noticed any areas of communication where I could improve?
• How often would you say we need a relationship check in to discuss areas we can improve with one another?
• Is yelling ever appropriate for our communication?
• What can I do or say that best communicates my love for you?

Questions for engaged couples on wedding ideas:

• What have you always imagined for your wedding day?
• If you could only bring the 10 most important relationships to our wedding, who would you choose and why?
• What is an activity you love to do that we can incorporate into our wedding day?
• Do you believe weddings all have to look the same or should they look different depending on the couple?
• Which one seems more “us”–a big traditional wedding or a super intentional elopement?
• What moment do you most want to remember from our wedding day and how can we be sure we emphasize that moment?